tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2745293479419401370.post2392349987854709225..comments2023-10-30T05:16:33.822-04:00Comments on Between Dreams: Letting Go of Toxic RelationshipsAllie Tymoczkohttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04896845052574286723noreply@blogger.comBlogger14125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2745293479419401370.post-54603364720014731192013-06-18T10:24:27.291-04:002013-06-18T10:24:27.291-04:00I can relate to this. Although I've managed to...I can relate to this. Although I've managed to get away from the financial dependency, the emotional dependency was a huge factor. My dad travels for work, which left my mother and I alone together through my entire childhood and adolescence. It very much began to feel as though she were depending on me like she would a spouse, binding us together in such a way that she made leaving home incredibly difficult and not without much guilt when I did. <br /><br />I've also considered geographically removing us (you're not alone!) but when that wasn't possible, simply cut ties, once and for all. No calls. No emails. No visits. I couldn't handle the mental turmoil I was put through and the strain put on my relationship with my husband, who has helped me through it ever so graciously (side note: my parents hate him and have tried many times to convince me to leave him with various reasons that were plainly not true, putting a rather nice emotional wedge in between all parties involved).vicentinehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/13463480972176362311noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2745293479419401370.post-81850313424112236322013-06-16T22:22:15.981-04:002013-06-16T22:22:15.981-04:00Very well-written post. It's one thing to be t...Very well-written post. It's one thing to be there with someone through both bad and good times; it's another to basically be baby-sitting them...allowing them influence your attitude/perspective on your life.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2745293479419401370.post-75653079243484809552013-06-16T15:17:51.826-04:002013-06-16T15:17:51.826-04:00I hear you. My husband has the same problem. An no...I hear you. My husband has the same problem. An no amount of therapy can make it perfect. I find it helps him the best when he can say "my mom is sick" and think of it through that lens. Like, she won't ever act "normal" but it is still so hard for both of us. We think about moving far away so that it makes keeping in touch harder. So sad but true.Tina Bylandhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/18390203513157504558noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2745293479419401370.post-86671048470032908012013-06-16T15:16:34.291-04:002013-06-16T15:16:34.291-04:00Toxic relationships.... they are the hardest when ...Toxic relationships.... they are the hardest when they are in your family. My husband's stuck in one with his mother and it is..... whew. Rough. She tries to depend on him like a wife... emotionally and financially and it is really, really difficult for him (and me). This is where the professionals have to step in. Because, like it was mentioned earlier, it's so hard to feel those feelings but know they are your parents. For Alex he feels it may be best to move geographically further away. Easier to break ties, you know?Tina Bylandhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/18390203513157504558noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2745293479419401370.post-3762045926125887812013-06-14T10:09:09.795-04:002013-06-14T10:09:09.795-04:00It definitely sounds like a step in the right dire...It definitely sounds like a step in the right direction, and any step is progress! Perspectives may never completely align, but I think going into it with love helps to reach a common ground and makes a world of difference. Allie @ Between Dreamshttps://www.blogger.com/profile/01840894556652277821noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2745293479419401370.post-48182928479466736402013-06-14T09:54:07.861-04:002013-06-14T09:54:07.861-04:00It is what it is, right? After not seeing each oth...It is what it is, right? After not seeing each other since November 2011, my mother and I sat down for coffee last night. The perception and perspectives are still different (she doesn't see or understand my point of view of our previous troubles), but hey, maybe slowly things will turn around.vicentinehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/13463480972176362311noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2745293479419401370.post-16633113863094334692013-06-13T20:51:48.723-04:002013-06-13T20:51:48.723-04:00While I have no real experience with this myself, ...While I have no real experience with this myself, my heart goes out to you. I can't begin to imagine being in this situation, and I truly hope that you find peace and resolve the situation as painlessly as possible. Sending you love xx Allie @ Between Dreamshttps://www.blogger.com/profile/01840894556652277821noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2745293479419401370.post-42734546645935630792013-06-13T11:03:14.326-04:002013-06-13T11:03:14.326-04:00Unfortunately, letting go of toxic relationships b...Unfortunately, letting go of toxic relationships becomes a lot more complicated when that toxic relationship is with your parents. The lines of letting go become very blurred, because, after all, you can't just walk away from the ones who birthed you.vicentinehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/13463480972176362311noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2745293479419401370.post-47238819026618752382013-06-13T09:47:55.693-04:002013-06-13T09:47:55.693-04:00I absolutely loved this post. It is something I re...I absolutely loved this post. It is something I really struggle with, and it is refreshing to read others thoughts on the subject. And, well, feel a little less guilty about it. Pattyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/00980134129408517861noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2745293479419401370.post-77977734604391795772013-06-12T20:07:04.741-04:002013-06-12T20:07:04.741-04:00Thank YOU for your comment! I'm absolutely THR...Thank YOU for your comment! I'm absolutely THRILLED that what I've written resonates with you. Honestly, we are truly all in this together xx Allie @ Between Dreamshttps://www.blogger.com/profile/12425485196932826374noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2745293479419401370.post-59953657655475011412013-06-12T19:59:03.310-04:002013-06-12T19:59:03.310-04:00That's such an interesting take on it! I'm...That's such an interesting take on it! I'm definitely a "fixer" by nature too, but to a point where it sometimes becomes a fault... where I put out so much energy trying to "fix" what I can - solve people's problems, mend relationships, make good - but then in the end, I've poured everything I could into it, and am just left feeling depleted. (Not worth it!) <br /><br />When you can't avoid the person, I think you can definitely avoid the situation. Don't allow yourself (and your ego) to become wrapped up in gossip, stories, and drama. These are the things that have no real value to you. Obviously every situation is different, and if the attacks are coming at you, then it can't simply be ignored... but overall office gossip? I personally think you have a choice in becoming involved, and not perpetuating the gossip further. Awesome question! Allie @ Between Dreamshttps://www.blogger.com/profile/12425485196932826374noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2745293479419401370.post-79505861636295673632013-06-12T18:56:27.671-04:002013-06-12T18:56:27.671-04:00This is a great post. Thank you for always brighte...This is a great post. Thank you for always brightening my days with your honest, real, positive posts. I really look forward to them, you seem to always talk about things that are currently relating to my life. Thank you!! <3jhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15787934466248293023noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2745293479419401370.post-62257425618038226022013-06-12T16:19:37.679-04:002013-06-12T16:19:37.679-04:00I went through this back in January. The ending ha...I went through this back in January. The ending happened very abruptly, over Facebook of all places, and I suppose it was mutual. I had been feeling a bit disappointed in this person prior to the friendship "break-up," but what caused the ending sort of showed me very clearly why this person no longer fit in my life. He was rather negative, prone to wallowing, and preferred people to either wallow with him or pour on the sympathy. When he left a very nasty comment on someone's online obituary, I immediately messaged him on FB about it. I was appalled. I could not believe that a friend of mine had such anger and negativity within him. When he was upset that I was not lavishing him with sympathy, I saw that this relationship could no longer continue, nor do I care to have someone like that in my life. It was hard, yet because of how quickly it happened, it wasn't. And I have felt 100% lighter ever since. Not surprisingly, it has created room in my life for friends who are more positive-minded.Rachel Sedakerhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/06400295356502293525noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2745293479419401370.post-74257508490966415902013-06-12T13:52:06.816-04:002013-06-12T13:52:06.816-04:00I long ago first heard something about people bein...I long ago first heard something about people being in your life for seasons, and it reality-checked me into realizing that the people who are the most important to me now may not always be the most important to me. I have written on a sticky note a reminder to myself that "I like to leave people better than I found them," kind of like the way I was always told to leave a campsite cleaner than I found it. Many times, that has been the key to letting go of toxic relationships I would otherwise cling to. If they are better than they were when they entered my life, it's okay to let them go. If they aren't, I'd better do what I can to make their life better so I can get out of it. (I'm kind of a "fixer" by nature.)<br /><br />I'm curious: what's your take on toxic relationships when avoiding the person is not an option? i.e. the office gossipseashmorehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/00698552238049211687noreply@blogger.com