Friday, July 18, 2014

5 Quick Tips for Dealing with Negative People

We all know those kinds of people, wrapped up in drama and negativity, complaining endlessly, consumed by gossip. The Negative Nancys of the world who devote their time to feeding their cynicism and doubting the intentions of everyone around them.

If you've ever been in the presence of this kind of negativity, then you know it's not a pleasant experience. It can take you from the top of the world to crashing down in the throes of your own negativity, draining you of all energy, leaving you with a bad taste in your mouth.

Not too long ago, I experienced this type of feeling first-hand, after meeting up with a friend for dinner where the conversation quickly switched from catching up to an endless string of complaints, and I became completely absorbed by her negativity. I left the restaurant feeling drained and exhausted, and slightly confused on how I could allow her to bring me down and affect me like that.

So - what type of action can you take?

DROP THE JUDGMENTS

When I first started diving into my own personal-growth journey, it felt like my eyes had been opened to an entirely new world. The thoughts that were running through my mind, my entire way of being was transforming, and it felt incredibly liberating. You know the feeling when you discover something so freaking awesome and you just want to shout it from the rooftops?

Then you come face-to-face with another person, who is wrapped up in their own story or crippled with negativity and you kind of... want to shake them and shout, "Life doesn't have to be so hard! You're doing it wrong!"

Simply put? We all have our own struggles, stories, and heartbreak, and we will never (ever, ever) know exactly what somebody else is going through. We are all trudging down our own path, the lessons unfolding in front of us uniquely as we need them.

You may think you're more spiritually evolved or that they are a disastrous mess, but that is only your projection of them, and it's not the truth.

You are not better than or superior to anyone.

Judge less, love more. (Tweet this!)

MEET THEM WHERE THEY ARE

It might be tempting to pull-out all your problem-solving tricks when somebody comes to you with their issues and complaints. We'll brainstorm like crazy, just wanting to make somebody feel better. We'll pump out our best pick-me-up's, dish out a hearty dish of positivity, and pour our energy into brightening their day.

I'm going to suggest something a little different: Instead of resisting their negativity, allow it to flow freely.

We can spend all of our time trying to 'block' their negative energy from entering our psyche, but what happens when we just let it be? When we create a loving container for a good ol' rant session?

When we meet them where they are and put ourselves in their shoes, we choose to love a little deeper:

"I can't imagine having to deal with that, that must be really hard for you."

"I can see how difficult your life must be right now."

When we enter that space with them, reinforcing and becoming a mirror of their negativity, they can release that energy and move past their negativity.

Release > Suppression.

OWN YOUR ENERGY

Have you ever heard of the term "energy vampires"? It's, essentially, negative people who "suck" the energy from you, draining and depleting you.

As Kate of Your Courageous Life puts it, "They don't exist. That’s just a way to put blame on something external–that thing, out there, over there…that’s the cause. Not me. Not my choices."

(Read Kate's spot-on article on how energy vampires are bullshit here.)

Nobody can make you feel a certain way without your permission first.

Examine the ways where you're giving your power away.

Own your energy.

SHINE THE SPOTLIGHT ON YOU

Every moment that's presented before us is an opportunity for growth. To shift your perspective. See things in a different light. Stretch our hearts open a little wider.

Instead of becoming reactive, ask, "What can I learn from this person?"

"The qualities I see in them, where do I see them in myself?"

Expand your capacity for love and compassion. 

FLEX YOUR 'FREE-WILL' MUSCLE

We all have a choice.

We choose who we spend our time with.
We choose the lens that we view life through.
We can choose to judge, complain, and blame.
We can choose to step inside someone else's shoes.
We can choose compassion, empathy, and love.
We can choose to hang on or we can choose to let go.
We can choose to become present, learn, and grow.

When we know it's all a choice, we enter a space where we're free to make different choices. (Tweet this!)

SHARE YOUR THOUGHTS: Have you ever dealt with someone like this? How do you handle negative people and situations? Hop on over to the comments - I can't wait to hear how this resonated with you and listen to your point of view.

Friday, July 11, 2014

My Writing Process


Blogging. It's a funny thing, don't you think? A funny, beautiful, ever-evolving thing.

I realized that I've never shared my experience with blogging or how it all came to life, and to be honest, it's been a huge part of my own journey of self-discovery. So when Erika asked me to participate in The Writing Process blog tour, I was pretty stoked about the idea of peeling back the curtains and sharing a little of what goes on behind the scenes.

Three years ago, I was sitting in a cubicle working a job that made me feel depleted, unfulfilled, and flat-out bored. Countless minutes and hours were spent staring at the clock waiting for time to pass, and it seemed like every waking moment the same thought would whirl around in my mind, "There has to be something more than this."

My creative spirit was lying dormant and I was looking for a way to express myself, to just do anything that made me feel like me.

I didn't have a plan of action, I just knew I had this love of writing that I'd been neglecting, and so, a blog was born.

Since that time, what you see now doesn't at all resemble what this space once was. In the beginning, I wrote for the sake of writing, wrote about topics I didn't care about, posted for the sake of 'getting something out there', I've been sucked into the world of blogging do's and don'ts, subjected myself to major blog-guilt, and I rarely (if ever) knew what I was doing. I've changed the name of this blog three times, redesigned the look on more than a few occasions, deleted countless posts, and decided to create on my own terms.

In the three years that I've been coming back to this space, I've quite literally found myself in the process. I shifted my focus from sticking to rules, trying to get as much traffic as possible, and kicking myself because I didn't have thousands of followers to making my own rules, creating quality content that feels damn good to write, and being extremely grateful for every single person that I have had the honour of connecting with through this space.

It's easy to get sucked into the world of comparison, focusing on the numbers game, and wishing, hoping, striving, and pushing for results. It's easy to fall in line, and despite your best intentions, wind up going in a direction that doesn't entirely suit who you are, and before you know it, your blog doesn't feel like your blog at all, and you take a step back and realize you'd rather burn everything you've ever written.

What I've come to realize is that there are no mistakes, it's all part of the evolution of our spirits. (Tweet this!)

If you want to take the flame to your archives, redesign your entire look and feel, you can, because the only rules are the ones you choose to go by.

These days, those rules are a lot more light-hearted for me.

It's about sitting down to a blank screen or page, and asking, "What wants to be written?"

It's following the direction of my energy, and allowing myself to be moved by the ebbs and flows of life. Never forcing, never pushing. Inviting in more space and ease. Always trusting that the words will come when they're ready.

It's shifting the perspective of what connection means to me and instead of thinking about Google Analytics, my reach, and number of followers, thinking, "How can I connect deeper to my creativity?" Leading with my intuition, always.

It's redefining what success means to me with these questions: How can I bring joy? How can I provide value? How can I be more generous?

Leading with my heart, always.

What are you working on right now? 

With a grateful heart, I'm completely overjoyed to say that over the past couple of months, I've been dipping my toes into the world of coaching, and have had the amazing opportunity to coach some incredible woman, who continue to inspire me daily. Connecting on a deep, soul level and diving into this work is something I'm beyond passionate about, and I can't wait to witness how this journey will continue to unfold.

I'm also incredibly excited to announce that I'm working on an e-book! In the coming days, I'll be hiding away in my creative cave and letting this idea of mine come to life. I can't wait for the day when I can share it with you. Keep your eyes on this space!

How does your work differ from others of its genre?

It's written by yours truly!

I believe that there is no such thing as competition, that there's room for all of us. We all have a unique voice and every single one of us has a story to tell... we just have to be courageous enough to do it. It's not always easy, but there's one thing I know for sure: If you show up authentically and embrace who you are (shaky boots and all), you will move mountains.

When I look outside of myself and start to compare, I diminish my own worth. When I live by the mantra "Just do you" - I allow myself to expand, learn, and grow. I'm filled with curiosity and wonder. Life flows.

It's much more interesting that way.

Why do you write what you do?

What a question!

I write to discover. I write simply to see the words spill out of my heart and onto the page. I write to make sense of the thoughts that are bouncing around in my mind. I write to make sense of it all. I write to connect with myself on a deeper level.

What I write about sends shivers down my spine. It's opened up my heart in ways I never thought were possible, and continues to do so.

When I sit down and ask, "What wants to be written?" I listen - because it pushes me, challenges me, gets me outside of the box, and ignites this sense of curiosity that makes me never want to stop exploring and discovering. I believe that we are so much more than what's on the surface and when we begin to dig deep beneath those superficial levels, we are met with the truth of who we are.

And that's a beautiful thing.

I write what I do because it moves me - because I'm called to.

How does your writing process work?

I've spoken briefly about the kind of energy I bring into my writing - and when I start to feel like I'm forcing it, pushing to get it done, or feeling guilty, I take that as a clear sign that I need to step away. Get outside, flip upside down into a handstand, crank up the music and dance it out.

When it comes to actually "getting shit done", normally that means setting aside definite "do not disturb" time, awesome music playing in the background (anything from meditative tracks to chill indie tunes to make you wanna get up and dance kinda music), no distractions from social media, and patience. It means getting past the blank screen staring back at me and just writing that first sentence, even if it's total rubbish.

One of my core desired feelings is freedom, so more often than not, I resist structure and perfectly laid out plans. I'm more of a fly-by-the-seat-of-her-pants type of girl.

It might mean candlelight flickering in the corner of my eye, grabbing a last-minute crystal just because (rose quartz, flourite, and citrine are go-to's), listening to the bird's chirping in the background, getting my hands on the closest computer/ notebook and just going for it, or a couple of hops on my trampoline in-between paragraphs. Chilling on the couch in the living room, laying in bed, sitting at my desk, or outside on the patio. Whatever feels right.


Thank you so much for being here - I really hope you enjoyed digging into this one as much as I loved writing it! And another big high five to Erika for passing over the baton :) 

YOUR TURN: Why do you do what you do? All the juicy details - spill it! 

Image via cassoday harder

Friday, July 04, 2014

My Top 8 Songs for the Soul

You know those moments when you crank up the dial on the volume, close your eyes, and just let the music completely absorb you? Over the past few months, I've been drawn to music in a different kind of way. Rather than flipping on a random playlist, I've opted instead for intentional listening.

(Which was only amplified during my retreat where an entire group of us lounged around on pillows on the floor, sipping herbal tea, listening to track after track, just to see what would happen when the beat started to play.)

The kind of songs that take your breath away, resonate deep into the core of your body, support you through dark moments in your life, that perfect soundtrack that makes you want to belt out all of the words. The kind of songs where you just can't help but close your eyes, listen more deeply, and feel the beat pulsate throughout every cell, memorizing each note, lyric, and rhythm along the way.

...that hit you right where you need it while lying in savasana on your yoga mat...

...that fill your body as you move your body around the room, letting your energy flow freely...

...that send you to places you never knew were possible while deep in meditation...

...that soothe your soul.

Here are my favourites right now:

HEY NOW - London Grammar




*This live version is killer.

GODDESS - Banks




STARALFUR - Sigur Ros




FLIGHT FACILITIES - Clair De Lune (feat. Christine Hoberg)




STAY ALIVE - José González




BREATHE - Télépopmusik




LET GO - RAC ft. Kele, MNDR



THE READ ALL ABOUT IT BOOTLEG - Stefan Biniak




If you want to listen to more of my picks, I set up an account on Grooveshark (does anyone use that site? I feel like it's a Canadian thing, haha!). My original plan was to create a solid playlist, but I've found that I still need to work past my perfectionist tendencies because it just never feels complete - so I'll keep adding as I go! ;)

This was such a joy to put together for you guys!

Let me know your favourites in the comments - I'd love to keep adding to my collection!

Monday, June 30, 2014

Kick Start: Claim What's Yours


Below you'll find an excerpt from one of my love notes from the exclusive Between Dreams mailing list, which at the moment, is sent straight to your inbox every other Thursday. This is an awesome way for us to connect in a more personal way - I share a lot of my personal reflections/ experiences, invite you to think outside the box, send out a call to action to explore, and some insights for the soul.

I hope this inspires you...

There's something about the energy in the air right now.

The windows are wide open as I listen to the rain gently falling outside, candle light has filled the room, and it's just me and you. Right here, in this moment. It's electric. 

I've been thinking a lot about you lately. And I want you to know that I see you. 

I see your courage, strength, and unwavering passion for this beautiful thing we call LIFE and I believe in you.

That said, I have a message for you. Yes, it's a little bold but I'm just going to throw it out there, knowing that it's coming from my heart to yours...

I want you to chase down those little whispers, the nudges, the inklings, your gut feelings, the pull towards what's been calling your name. To get deeply, deeply curious about them and really listen when you ask, "What do they have to say? Why?" 

I want you to answer the call. 

I want you to break down the walls of fear - with sweaty palms, as your heart is thump-thump-thumping in your chest. I want to see you grow, stretch, and expand in your capacity to love, to dream a little bigger, to claim what's rightfully yours.

I want you to trust. Trust that the Universe has your back, that you will be continually supported and guided along the way. And that fear? It's just a sign of the growth + expansion you're seeking.

I want you to stop searching outside of you and turn your gaze inwards. 

I want to see your face light up when you come to the realization that everything you could ever need or want is already inside of you. The infinite wisdom of the Cosmos, the spark of inspiration, complete unbridled joy, unconditional love + acceptance, it's all there, woven into your soul.

I want you to know this isn't about adding stuff on top of you - another skill, a new language, the words from the latest book, a different way of being - it's coming home to who you already are. It's stripping away the layers that you no longer need, that are no longer serving you, and that cover you - the real you - up.

I want you to honour yourself. 

Because I see you. I believe in you. 

Are you going to claim what's yours?

Now's the time.

Here's what people are saying about it:

"Thursday's are my favourite day of the week because Thursday's mean I receive a little bit of Allie love and guidance right to my inbox - and it inspires me in so many more ways than I could describe." - Amy L. 

"I LOVE receiving your newsletters, your words are always exactly what I need to hear!" - Sarah 

Want more? All you have to do is sign up below... it's completely free!

SPARKLING INSPIRATION + SOULFUL CONTEMPLATION... STRAIGHT TO YOUR INBOX



Plus, make sure to grab this week's desktop wallpaper:


As always, if this resonated with you, I'd be so appreciative if you shared it with your friends and spread the love x

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